What do you do?
Family
When you have a married couple whom you are very very close to and they start having marital problems? You want them both to be happy but if that's not possible together what do you do? Do you push them to stay together for the sake of the kids or do you give hints to get them to find ways to be apart. One of them is emotionally out of the marriage and is having an emotional affair with a good friends of hers. Her and her husband have been together since the 7th grade and have never been apart. They have 3 kids but she now says she's in love with this other guys that she's known just as long. For now I've just been listening and have not been giving advice but she asked for some and I had no idea what to say. I'm so close to both and I don't want them to be apart but if they aren't happy together then they shouldn't be. I'm so confused!
Aaron Lynch said:
If I was friends with both of the people, I personally would not say anything to them.
leslie briscoe said:
Wow. I've been in that spot. In several of those, actually. First of all, my parents stayed married for my brother and I. I wonder how much better off I would have been without listening to all of the fights, having irritated parents, game playing... all of that I watched. It is no fun to be a kid and not know what you are coming home to. I stayed after school with my little brother alone. I would dread the time my mother came home. When dad came home, it was on. My mother was in a constant bad mood. When someone is not happy they are not the person they are supposed to be.
Of course, I got in to a marriage that was just like that (funny how people repeat patterns). My husband was not supportive and I found myself speaking to a beautiful and supportive man. Actually I spoke to him for over a year (talking only!) when I got the courage to leave my marriage. It has not been an easy road. This has been hard on me and most importantly, my little girl. My decision to not stay for her sake really was to leave for her sake. Confusing? She would know when we were fighting. She saw the arguments. She deserves better. Now I have her all of the time. She is happy. She is very, very, very happy and it seems to me that she is blossoming! Long gone are the days of unhappy mommy. Children often carry the burdens of their parents. If the woman has "checked out" as you say, she needs to tell her husband that she wants a divorce. Speaking from experience, it is harder to get a divorce fairly when an affair is involved. The emotions are nastier and people often play games and use the children. It is disgusting. I can not tell you the times I have cried over the things my little girl has told me her daddy said. (Daddy say you leabe me. I was looking and looking for you and I couldn't find you. NO! Daddy say you leabe me.)
Often when people commit at such a young age, they are setting themselves up for failure. In today's world young couples just don't make it. If they got married at such a young age (or committed) they really don't get to experience much or know what else is out there. Of course there are exceptions. From what you say they've been together since seventh grade. Seventh grade? I couldn't imagine being with the same person that I dated when I 22, much less seventh grade.
As for being a friend, stay supportive. Don't offer advice without being asked. Too many people offered advice to me and I followed it. I stayed in a marriage that I should have ended sooner. When I started listening to myself, when I decided it was over, I realized who my friends were. They supported my decision. They understood that I was unhappy.
Of course, I got in to a marriage that was just like that (funny how people repeat patterns). My husband was not supportive and I found myself speaking to a beautiful and supportive man. Actually I spoke to him for over a year (talking only!) when I got the courage to leave my marriage. It has not been an easy road. This has been hard on me and most importantly, my little girl. My decision to not stay for her sake really was to leave for her sake. Confusing? She would know when we were fighting. She saw the arguments. She deserves better. Now I have her all of the time. She is happy. She is very, very, very happy and it seems to me that she is blossoming! Long gone are the days of unhappy mommy. Children often carry the burdens of their parents. If the woman has "checked out" as you say, she needs to tell her husband that she wants a divorce. Speaking from experience, it is harder to get a divorce fairly when an affair is involved. The emotions are nastier and people often play games and use the children. It is disgusting. I can not tell you the times I have cried over the things my little girl has told me her daddy said. (Daddy say you leabe me. I was looking and looking for you and I couldn't find you. NO! Daddy say you leabe me.)
Often when people commit at such a young age, they are setting themselves up for failure. In today's world young couples just don't make it. If they got married at such a young age (or committed) they really don't get to experience much or know what else is out there. Of course there are exceptions. From what you say they've been together since seventh grade. Seventh grade? I couldn't imagine being with the same person that I dated when I 22, much less seventh grade.
As for being a friend, stay supportive. Don't offer advice without being asked. Too many people offered advice to me and I followed it. I stayed in a marriage that I should have ended sooner. When I started listening to myself, when I decided it was over, I realized who my friends were. They supported my decision. They understood that I was unhappy.
michelle1350 said:
Wow...thank you very much for your well spoken reply. I'm sorry you went through that. I'll take your advice and just be there for her. I'll be supportive and only offer advice when she asks for it.
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